A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, ‘Please, may I hide under your skirt. I’ll explain later.’
The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, Sister, have you seen a soldier?’
The nun replied, ‘He went that way.’
After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from [...]

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Three people in an airplane sitting beside each other, one took a bite out of an apple, she thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she thought it was too sour, so she threw it out of the [...]

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A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, “Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?” The trembling monkey says, “You are, mighty lion!
Later, the lion confronts a ox and fiercely bellows, “Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?” The terrified ox [...]

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It seems that the Americans are waiting for Bush to leave the White house as soon as possible since they call him a NIGHTMARE.

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Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.
After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others “I think the best [...]

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A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. After the editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says, “Well, then, let it read ‘Fred Brown died’.” 
Confounded at the woman’s thrift, the [...]

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There are 3 people standing in front of a magic mirror. The mirror gives you anything you desire if you tell it the truth, but you disappear if you lie. The first person to talk to the mirror was a very fat brunette. She walked up to the mirror and said “I think I am [...]

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A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge [...]

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A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee. On his very first day of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone - “Get me a coffee, quickly!” The voice from the other side responded, “You fool you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to, dumbo?”
“No,” replied [...]

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A baby turtle was standing at the bottom of a large tree and with a deep sigh, started to climb. About an hour later, he reached a very high branch and walked along to the end. He turned and spread all four flippers and launched himself off the branch. On landing at the bottom in [...]

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A famous heart specialist doctor died and everyone was gathered at his funeral. A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart.
When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.
Just at that moment one of the mourners started [...]

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